So, have you seen the youtube video of Chris Brown apologizing for beating down his then-girlfriend Rihanna in February? I think this video "apology" pisses me off nearly as much as "the incident" as he calls it. What is wrong with the video? Let me count the ways.
1. I don't think he means it.
He "acts" sincere. While the body language is right, the words are just...okay. Sorry, regret, accept responsibility, let people down, yada yada. He's saying the right things. Why don't I believe him? Maybe its because I can't forget that he's party-hopped and cavorted around with a Rihanna look alike for the past six months. He hasn't been laying low like someone who was, say, EMBARRASSED AND ASHAMED of his actions would do. The actions and the words do not match up here, and it is a little disturbing.
2. What took ya so long?
It took him 6 freaking months to publicly apologize. I mean, did he just not think it needed to be said until now? He uses the ol' "my lawyer told me to shut it" excuse, but in the next breath says he's glad to finally "accept responsibility." Say what?
3. No responsibility has been accepted here.
He pleaded NOT GUILTY. Now, I know this is legal stuff here, that if he had pleaded guilty it probably would have been a straight shot to jail time, etc. SO??? He committed a crime. There is a penalty in our society for that. If you want to take responsibility, then you SHOULD do the time. PERIOD. Accepting responsibility also means accepting the consequences to your actions. He has not done that here.
4. He still manages to blame Rihanna.
He talks about wishing he could have handled the situation better, or something to that effect. Not wishing he could have controlled his temper, wishing he had made a better choice, no-he still insinuates that there was a "situation" that CAUSED him to react. Again, not taking responsibility for HIS action and HIS action alone. He still doesn't seem to understand the magnitude of what he did wrong.
5. He still wants to be a role model.
Excuse me? Ok, if this doesn't scream "I'm just trying to save my career" I don't know what does. Instead of saying he's going to take time to work on himself, do all this community service he's been court-ordered to do, he's basically finishing up with code for "I got a new record coming out so I need yall to trust me again so the little girls can buy my record." If he wanted to be a REAL role model, I can think of many ways to go about it. He could be donating money to domestic violence shelters, working on public service announcements, volunteering for women's causes. Nope. This guy is looking out for number 1. He's not going to jail. He's going to avoid associating himself with the issue as much as he can. If he made a mistake, which is never going to happen again, then he should have taken the punishment, come out a changed man, and made this his cause. To talk with other young men about how it happened, and how to make better decisions. Being a role model is not about being perfect-it is about learning from your mistakes and becoming a better person because of them. I don't see how he's really done either here. He's not been accountable-all he has learned is that if you have enough money and good lawyers you can break the law and get away with it. He's not shown how he's trying to become better-just this flimsy attempt at "I'm sorry about that incident I can't talk about which I'm ashamed of and want to take responsibility for except still blame my girlfriend and not get punished for it."
Maybe I'm just super cynical here....but I don't think he has learned a thing except how to hire a criminal defense lawyer. SIGH.
http://www.celebitchy.com/61243/chris_brown_releases_video_apology_what_i_did_was_inexcusable/
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Psychology of Giving
This past Sunday there was a featured article in the Tennessean about a "tent community" outside of Nashville in nearby Wilson County. Not exactly homeless people, but people living in tents and/or RV's on a campground (in which they do pay rent) instead of a house or apartment. They have community showers/bathrooms. Most are here because of lost jobs and houses due to the current economy. Today, there was a follow-up article on the outpouring of assistance that residents of this encampment, particularly the ones featured in the article, have received in the past 48 hours.
http://www.tennessean.com/article/20090714/NEWS01/907140355/Campground+residents++struggles+hit+home+with+readers
I used to work for a program that was often given positive press, which is always great because you definitely get a spike in donations and general community awareness of your cause. What always bothered me though, is that people were really insistent that they wanted to help the family that was featured in the article. We would get a few "general" donations of cash or material items, but most wanted to give specifically to the family. They'd call and ask for the kids' clothing sizes, donate Kroger cards, and many times write personal checks-made for hundreds or even thousands of dollars-directly to our client. They'd often include personal notes about how the story touched them in some way and they just felt like they needed to give. The good fortune of our agency choosing a family for the focus of an article literally could bring them more cash in a week than they'd make on their own in months. And the other hundreds of families we served, each as needy, each of their stories just as heartbreaking/inspiring, didn't get the same attention as they anonymously went about their lives, trying to make ends meet. At a point, I'd be instructed to try and gently steer people away from direct donations to a particular family and mention the many other families we could assist if a general contribution was made. I had people tell me that if they couldn't donate to the "featured" family directly, they wouldn't make a donation at all, despite being told that the family's current needs were all met but there were others they could help instead. What kind of logic is that? Because you don't have a visual of any of these other families, they are easy to ignore, but the one that you see that is in need you feel compelled to assist? Why we choose to give, and who we choose to give to, is fascinating to me.
It seems, based on this follow-up article today, that some of the same "psychology of giving" has affected this situation too. The article actually mentions someone that brought a photo from the paper of one of the residents in order to identify him and offer him employment. I mean, ultimately, that is good news, the guy may get a job, but for the residents of this community who weren't named and photographed for the article, will anyone reach out to them and offer employment to all? Now-I will note-the article does also mention donations of food, clothing, etc. that were made in general. But there were folks who offered to take one woman in particular to the store, doctor's appointments, etc due to her health problems. If another resident asks these same donors for a ride, will they agree to help?
I don't have a lot of money, but I'm the kind of person who thinks "every little bit helps" and you never know what your gift may mean to the person you are helping. How many of us have a friend or neighbor who might need a simple kindness every once in a while? Would it take an article in the Tennessean for us to feel bad enough about it to make an offer to give someone a ride, or offer to pick up extra groceries at the store? What a great reminder that not everyone in need will have a "help me" sign attached or be featured in the newspaper. Why not just offer help when you can give it, donate money or goods when you can, even if you don't have a photo you can look back on to say "look who I helped." Just because you can't see those who your donations or volunteer hours help doesn't make your assistance any less appreciated-or important.
http://www.tennessean.com/article/20090714/NEWS01/907140355/Campground+residents++struggles+hit+home+with+readers
I used to work for a program that was often given positive press, which is always great because you definitely get a spike in donations and general community awareness of your cause. What always bothered me though, is that people were really insistent that they wanted to help the family that was featured in the article. We would get a few "general" donations of cash or material items, but most wanted to give specifically to the family. They'd call and ask for the kids' clothing sizes, donate Kroger cards, and many times write personal checks-made for hundreds or even thousands of dollars-directly to our client. They'd often include personal notes about how the story touched them in some way and they just felt like they needed to give. The good fortune of our agency choosing a family for the focus of an article literally could bring them more cash in a week than they'd make on their own in months. And the other hundreds of families we served, each as needy, each of their stories just as heartbreaking/inspiring, didn't get the same attention as they anonymously went about their lives, trying to make ends meet. At a point, I'd be instructed to try and gently steer people away from direct donations to a particular family and mention the many other families we could assist if a general contribution was made. I had people tell me that if they couldn't donate to the "featured" family directly, they wouldn't make a donation at all, despite being told that the family's current needs were all met but there were others they could help instead. What kind of logic is that? Because you don't have a visual of any of these other families, they are easy to ignore, but the one that you see that is in need you feel compelled to assist? Why we choose to give, and who we choose to give to, is fascinating to me.
It seems, based on this follow-up article today, that some of the same "psychology of giving" has affected this situation too. The article actually mentions someone that brought a photo from the paper of one of the residents in order to identify him and offer him employment. I mean, ultimately, that is good news, the guy may get a job, but for the residents of this community who weren't named and photographed for the article, will anyone reach out to them and offer employment to all? Now-I will note-the article does also mention donations of food, clothing, etc. that were made in general. But there were folks who offered to take one woman in particular to the store, doctor's appointments, etc due to her health problems. If another resident asks these same donors for a ride, will they agree to help?
I don't have a lot of money, but I'm the kind of person who thinks "every little bit helps" and you never know what your gift may mean to the person you are helping. How many of us have a friend or neighbor who might need a simple kindness every once in a while? Would it take an article in the Tennessean for us to feel bad enough about it to make an offer to give someone a ride, or offer to pick up extra groceries at the store? What a great reminder that not everyone in need will have a "help me" sign attached or be featured in the newspaper. Why not just offer help when you can give it, donate money or goods when you can, even if you don't have a photo you can look back on to say "look who I helped." Just because you can't see those who your donations or volunteer hours help doesn't make your assistance any less appreciated-or important.
Friday, July 10, 2009
Drop Your Stones
I haven't blogged in a while. I went on vacation, and came back to a world that has been kind of nauseating these past couple of weeks, and I feel like I rode the Hangman at Opryland one too many times, and my head hurts a little bit from all the jarring against the headrest.
Last night I sat on my couch, watching the televised memorial service for Steve McNair. If you are not a Nashvillian and/or NFL fan, Steve was our Tennessee Titans quarterback from the time the team moved from Houston to Nashville until about three years ago, when we couldn't afford to keep him anymore and he played his last two seasons with our arch-rivals the Baltimore Ravens, who at the time seemed to be trying to snatch up all of our players one by one. Anyway, Steve and his family still maintained ties in Nashville and moved back here upon his retirement. He's probably the most famous and well-respected athlete our city has ever been able to claim, and the fact that he claimed us right back made him one of our most popular residents. You really never heard anything bad about him, even when he was arrested a couple of times for DUIs, most people criticized the police for "just wanting to say they arrested a famous person." If anything, stories of his good works around town were par for the course, how he'd just show up at a school or children's hospital, no press, no media coverage. It seemed he was actually a really nice guy, genuinely interested making a difference.
But on the 4th of July, my best friend and her husband showed up at my parent's cookout with bad news-Steve McNair had been fatally shot, along with a woman, in an apartment near downtown. It was surreal-my first thought was perhaps a drug deal gone bad, or maybe something involving a prostitute. I mean, for someone to kill STEVE MCNAIR, our golden boy, there had to be something really shady going on-he had such a great reputation, I knew it would be something shocking. They weren't naming the woman, which seemed strange. Soon after the coverage began, they identified the woman as not his wife, but still no name. They also began stating the McNair had been killed, and the other woman "found dead." Not killed. I said to family and friends around the table that the wording seemed like a read-between-the-lines way of saying, murder-suicide. After a few days, and many salacious details about an extramarital relationship with a girl still in her teens when it began, that theory I formed sadly proved to be true. At first I was kind of angry-not even at this "role model's" poor choices and colossal lapse in judgement that cost him everything (which did irk me-why would a guy who had everything be such an idiot?), but at all of his friends and former teammates that basically pulled the "guy code" card when asked if any of them ever talked to him about the choices he was making. Stay out of your friend/teammate's business. As a girl, I cannot understand that logic. Friends, take note: If I ever witness you engaging in self-destructive behavior, I will confront you about it.
While most in Nashville are shocked by the manner in which his life was taken, most fans and media have chosen to focus on his extensive community service and athletic accomplishments, and ignore the elephant in the room. Our local papers and news outlets have referred to the woman as Steve's "girlfriend" while ESPN, Fox Sports, and a local Baltimore paper in which I read some coverage all called her the "mistress." Some bloggers blasted McNair by saying that real leadership begins at home, not on the field or in the community, while locally papers have listed the many charities he was involved in. Others used his death and the circumstances leading up to it to chastise all American men who may provide their families with plenty of money to take care of them but are otherwise absent. In fact, we don't know how much time he was spending with his children in the months up to his death while he was involved with this girl, and all evidence we have doesn't point to a lot, but many assumptions have been made that we can't verify in order to make an "example" of Steve McNair. In the aftermath of the Michael Jackson death, where reaction has been similar, it is an interesting concept to ponder-is all forgiven when we die? Whatever mistakes we have made in our lives, has the good we have contributed to society enough to make everyone forget about our flaws? Is it unfair or inappropriate to "speak ill of the dead" even if it is true? On one hand, flaws are what make us human. In Steve's case, I think this was the major point of shock for many: Air McNair, the larger than life athlete with an infectious smile, who we'd put on a pedestal, was human. He made mistakes. Like WE ALL DO.
Last night, while watching Titan's coach Jeff Fisher, an assortment of teammates, and charity associates eulogize Steve McNair with stories of athletic triumph and personal generosity, none of them mentioned Steve's now-obvious flaws. But when McNair's pastor, Bishop Joseph Walker III, took the mic for his turn, he walked right up to the "elephant" in the room and basically climbed on for a ride. But his message was beautiful, fitting, and immediately dissipated my anger and frustration about the coverage of this event, and gave me a peace about a lot of the discomfort I've felt while reading coverage of the deaths of Steve McNair and Michael Jackson. Bishop Walker told the story of the woman caught in adultery, brought to Jesus by the religious leaders of the community who wanted to stone her, according to law. Of course, Jesus drew the line in the sand and gave us one of the most often quoted verses of Scripture ever, "Let ye who is without sin cast the first stone." Bishop Walker then called for us all to "Drop our Stones" when we think about this tragic event, or when we Twitter, blog, or chat with each other. We are a very judgemental society. I know I often judge people unfairly. I'm female! We pick each other apart! I am aware of this. I also try very hard to be compassionate, and to remember that I don't know what someone has been through, is going through, or may soon be facing. But, I'm not perfect and clearly like to get on my high horse just like most everyone else-but if you read this blog you know that already.
While I didn't know Steve McNair, his death has served as a reminder for me: Drop Your Stones. None of us are perfect, but God loves us all and has commanded us to show that love to one another-in good times, in bad times, when we make mistakes, and even when we hurt each other. Rest in Peace Steve, and I pray that your children and family find comfort.
http://www.tennessean.com/article/20090710/SPORTS01/907100377/Excerpts+from+McNair+memorial+service+in+Nashville
Last night I sat on my couch, watching the televised memorial service for Steve McNair. If you are not a Nashvillian and/or NFL fan, Steve was our Tennessee Titans quarterback from the time the team moved from Houston to Nashville until about three years ago, when we couldn't afford to keep him anymore and he played his last two seasons with our arch-rivals the Baltimore Ravens, who at the time seemed to be trying to snatch up all of our players one by one. Anyway, Steve and his family still maintained ties in Nashville and moved back here upon his retirement. He's probably the most famous and well-respected athlete our city has ever been able to claim, and the fact that he claimed us right back made him one of our most popular residents. You really never heard anything bad about him, even when he was arrested a couple of times for DUIs, most people criticized the police for "just wanting to say they arrested a famous person." If anything, stories of his good works around town were par for the course, how he'd just show up at a school or children's hospital, no press, no media coverage. It seemed he was actually a really nice guy, genuinely interested making a difference.
But on the 4th of July, my best friend and her husband showed up at my parent's cookout with bad news-Steve McNair had been fatally shot, along with a woman, in an apartment near downtown. It was surreal-my first thought was perhaps a drug deal gone bad, or maybe something involving a prostitute. I mean, for someone to kill STEVE MCNAIR, our golden boy, there had to be something really shady going on-he had such a great reputation, I knew it would be something shocking. They weren't naming the woman, which seemed strange. Soon after the coverage began, they identified the woman as not his wife, but still no name. They also began stating the McNair had been killed, and the other woman "found dead." Not killed. I said to family and friends around the table that the wording seemed like a read-between-the-lines way of saying, murder-suicide. After a few days, and many salacious details about an extramarital relationship with a girl still in her teens when it began, that theory I formed sadly proved to be true. At first I was kind of angry-not even at this "role model's" poor choices and colossal lapse in judgement that cost him everything (which did irk me-why would a guy who had everything be such an idiot?), but at all of his friends and former teammates that basically pulled the "guy code" card when asked if any of them ever talked to him about the choices he was making. Stay out of your friend/teammate's business. As a girl, I cannot understand that logic. Friends, take note: If I ever witness you engaging in self-destructive behavior, I will confront you about it.
While most in Nashville are shocked by the manner in which his life was taken, most fans and media have chosen to focus on his extensive community service and athletic accomplishments, and ignore the elephant in the room. Our local papers and news outlets have referred to the woman as Steve's "girlfriend" while ESPN, Fox Sports, and a local Baltimore paper in which I read some coverage all called her the "mistress." Some bloggers blasted McNair by saying that real leadership begins at home, not on the field or in the community, while locally papers have listed the many charities he was involved in. Others used his death and the circumstances leading up to it to chastise all American men who may provide their families with plenty of money to take care of them but are otherwise absent. In fact, we don't know how much time he was spending with his children in the months up to his death while he was involved with this girl, and all evidence we have doesn't point to a lot, but many assumptions have been made that we can't verify in order to make an "example" of Steve McNair. In the aftermath of the Michael Jackson death, where reaction has been similar, it is an interesting concept to ponder-is all forgiven when we die? Whatever mistakes we have made in our lives, has the good we have contributed to society enough to make everyone forget about our flaws? Is it unfair or inappropriate to "speak ill of the dead" even if it is true? On one hand, flaws are what make us human. In Steve's case, I think this was the major point of shock for many: Air McNair, the larger than life athlete with an infectious smile, who we'd put on a pedestal, was human. He made mistakes. Like WE ALL DO.
Last night, while watching Titan's coach Jeff Fisher, an assortment of teammates, and charity associates eulogize Steve McNair with stories of athletic triumph and personal generosity, none of them mentioned Steve's now-obvious flaws. But when McNair's pastor, Bishop Joseph Walker III, took the mic for his turn, he walked right up to the "elephant" in the room and basically climbed on for a ride. But his message was beautiful, fitting, and immediately dissipated my anger and frustration about the coverage of this event, and gave me a peace about a lot of the discomfort I've felt while reading coverage of the deaths of Steve McNair and Michael Jackson. Bishop Walker told the story of the woman caught in adultery, brought to Jesus by the religious leaders of the community who wanted to stone her, according to law. Of course, Jesus drew the line in the sand and gave us one of the most often quoted verses of Scripture ever, "Let ye who is without sin cast the first stone." Bishop Walker then called for us all to "Drop our Stones" when we think about this tragic event, or when we Twitter, blog, or chat with each other. We are a very judgemental society. I know I often judge people unfairly. I'm female! We pick each other apart! I am aware of this. I also try very hard to be compassionate, and to remember that I don't know what someone has been through, is going through, or may soon be facing. But, I'm not perfect and clearly like to get on my high horse just like most everyone else-but if you read this blog you know that already.
While I didn't know Steve McNair, his death has served as a reminder for me: Drop Your Stones. None of us are perfect, but God loves us all and has commanded us to show that love to one another-in good times, in bad times, when we make mistakes, and even when we hurt each other. Rest in Peace Steve, and I pray that your children and family find comfort.
http://www.tennessean.com/article/20090710/SPORTS01/907100377/Excerpts+from+McNair+memorial+service+in+Nashville
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